I wasn’t comfortable in my position at the spa.  One reason was that the spa did not require an intake form for clients (or even give them one). An intake form allows a massage therapist to screen the client for contraindications (reasons why a client shouldn’t be massaged in a certain area, or areas, or even reasons why a client shouldn’t be massaged at all).  Another reason was that I had no control over my massage room (people could walk in and out without notice).  Additionally, I had to wear and “soft sell” the cosmetics that were sold at the spa.  (The cosmetics and beauty products worked well and I liked them, but I didn’t want to have to persuade clients to buy them.)  And finally, the clients that went to the spa were looking for relaxation and pampering, not therapeutic massage.  For that reason, I didn’t feel like I was serving the clients (or myself) well, so I left the job.

I searched for a job as a massage therapist, working with people who were seeking stress relief, pain relief and wellness. That was in alignment with my goals and my training.  A local massage chain was hiring massage therapists so I interviewed there.  The local establishment was owned by a husband and wife team who seemed relatively nice when they interviewed me.  They explained that I’d have regular hours and would see their clients by appointment, although walk-ins were also allowed.  The business seemed busy and the other massage therapists (all women from a different school than the one I went to) saw regular and new clients. I was told that I’d make an hourly rate plus tips. 

One of the first clients I saw was a tall businessman who indicated on his intake form that he was there for “stress relief”.  After going over the form briefly, I explained to him that I would leave the room and he could undress (completely or not) and lie on his back on the table.  I would knock on the door before I returned just to make sure that he covered himself with the towel (usually it’s a top sheet, but they used towels at this place, which I found odd) before I returned to the room.  I left the room, waited two minutes, and knocked.  He told me to come back into the room.  When I did, he was naked, on his back, and the towel was wadded up under his head (like a pillow).  I immediately turned my head, apologizing for not being clear when I asked him to cover himself.  So I left the room again.  I waited, knocked, entered and this time the towel was covering his private parts, but just barely.  I was rattled. How did that happen?  I didn’t understand how things could go so “right” at massage school and in private practice, but so “wrong” in a professional setting.  How could I be so unclear?

I started his massage in the usual way, at the feet, trying not to dwell on my mistake.  I continued to work up his lower legs then upper legs. The towel began to fall off of him and he didn’t make an effort to adjust it or fully cover himself.  I started to become anxious and distracted because he didn’t seem to care.  It started to become an ethical dilemma because (a) it wasn’t appropriate for me to touch the towel, really, because of where I would need to place it; and (b) it was really his job to adjust the towel and he wasn’t doing that.  Finally…finally it dawned on me that he was exposing himself on purpose.  I don’t know how to explain why it took me so long to figure it out, except that my mind just wasn’t there.  I was there to give him a therapeutic massage, and not to do anything but that. 

My massage and ethics training didn’t cover what to do when, well, someone is uncovered.  So I just continued on pretending not to see anything.  I wasn’t looking but I had an awareness about it that made me anxious.  I thought about stopping the massage but I wasn’t totally sure that the towel wasn’t just slipping off of him…or something.  I continued to work on the upper legs and, when I got to his abdomen, he tried to guide my hand to his genitals.  Once he did that, I definitely knew what was happening. I stopped the massage, ended the session and left the room.

Unfortunately this pattern with clients (all male) continued at that establishment.  At first I thought it was a run of bad luck for me or continued miscommunication, so I tried talking to the husband who owned the business.  I used euphemisms and delicate phrasing to explain what I thought I was experiencing, and he dismissed it as, you know, “just horny guys doing what they do”.  I tried to believe him and went back to the office to try again, but within a week or so it was clear to me that those men were coming to that place expecting “a little something extra”. 

In retrospect, I can see that everyone involved was aware of what was actually going on there: the wife, the other massage therapists, the clients.  Everyone but me. 

Massage therapy is a healing practice and profession based on the idea of trust.  That trust must go both ways, from massage therapist to client and from client to massage therapist.  The same is true of personal and professional boundaries – they must be respected by both parties.  These principles, and more, are covered in any reasonable code of ethics for professional massage or bodywork, and any practicing professional should abide by them at all times. 

Fortunately I believe that these ethics violations are the exception, not the rule.  And although I don’t think that anyone should have reason to believe that their boundaries or trust will be automatically violated if they go to a spa or other establishment for a massage, I think it is important for massage clients to do their research and choose wisely. 

-Make sure that the therapist is licensed, registered or certified (as required by law in your area). 

-Investigate whether or not the establishment or professional has policies in place to protect the client (and massage therapist) from inappropriate touch.

-Find out if the establishment or individual follows a code of ethics.  Is it posted on their website or in their place of business? 

-If you are going to a new place that you haven’t been to before, study the other clientele.  Is there a balance of men and women in the waiting room?  If not, does it make sense that it is mostly men and/or women?  Do the other clients look like they are there for therapeutic massage or something else? 

Massage therapists have a right to refuse service and clients have the right to end a massage session at any time.  In the unlikely event that you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, speak up immediately.  Terminate the session and report your experience to the manager or owner of the establishment right away.  If they do not listen, call the local authorities.

I still believe that massage (and bodywork) is a sacred act and the treatment room should be a safe space for healing.  I certainly hope that is your experience each time you have a session with your bodyworker.