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My practice is located in Ventura County, California and we are in the midst of several wildfires right now. Drought conditions and Santa Ana winds create the conditions for these fires that are burning in Ventura, Los Angeles and San Diego counties right now.
Fortunately there aren't any fires in my city right now, although I can see one from my backyard.
Although I'm sure many have already seen it, I thought I'd share this video of a man rescuing a wild rabbit here in Ventura County.
I wasn’t comfortable in my position at the spa. One reason was that the spa did not require an intake form for clients (or even give them one). An intake form allows a massage therapist to screen the client for contraindications (reasons why a client shouldn’t be massaged in a certain area, or areas, or even reasons why a client shouldn’t be massaged at all). Another reason was that I had no control over my massage room (people could walk in and out without notice). Additionally, I had to wear and “soft sell” the cosmetics that were sold at the spa. (The cosmetics and beauty products worked well and I liked them, but I didn’t want to have to persuade clients to buy them.) And finally, the clients that went to the spa were looking for relaxation and pampering, not therapeutic massage. For that reason, I didn’t feel like I was serving the clients (or myself) well, so I left the job.
I searched for a job as a massage therapist, working with people who were seeking stress relief, pain relief and wellness. That was in alignment with my goals and my training. A local massage chain was hiring massage therapists so I interviewed there. The local establishment was owned by a husband and wife team who seemed relatively nice when they interviewed me. They explained that I’d have regular hours and would see their clients by appointment, although walk-ins were also allowed. The business seemed busy and the other massage therapists (all women from a different school than the one I went to) saw regular and new clients. I was told that I’d make an hourly rate plus tips.
One of the first clients I saw was a tall businessman who indicated on his intake form that he was there for “stress relief”. After going over the form briefly, I explained to him that I would leave the room and he could undress (completely or not) and lie on his back on the table. I would knock on the door before I returned just to make sure that he covered himself with the towel (usually it’s a top sheet, but they used towels at this place, which I found odd) before I returned to the room. I left the room, waited two minutes, and knocked. He told me to come back into the room. When I did, he was naked, on his back, and the towel was wadded up under his head (like a pillow). I immediately turned my head, apologizing for not being clear when I asked him to cover himself. So I left the room again. I waited, knocked, entered and this time the towel was covering his private parts, but just barely. I was rattled. How did that happen? I didn’t understand how things could go so “right” at massage school and in private practice, but so “wrong” in a professional setting. How could I be so unclear?
I started his massage in the usual way, at the feet, trying not to dwell on my mistake. I continued to work up his lower legs then upper legs. The towel began to fall off of him and he didn’t make an effort to adjust it or fully cover himself. I started to become anxious and distracted because he didn’t seem to care. It started to become an ethical dilemma because (a) it wasn’t appropriate for me to touch the towel, really, because of where I would need to place it; and (b) it was really his job to adjust the towel and he wasn’t doing that. Finally…finally it dawned on me that he was exposing himself on purpose. I don’t know how to explain why it took me so long to figure it out, except that my mind just wasn’t there. I was there to give him a therapeutic massage, and not to do anything but that.
My massage and ethics training didn’t cover what to do when, well, someone is uncovered. So I just continued on pretending not to see anything. I wasn’t looking but I had an awareness about it that made me anxious. I thought about stopping the massage but I wasn’t totally sure that the towel wasn’t just slipping off of him…or something. I continued to work on the upper legs and, when I got to his abdomen, he tried to guide my hand to his genitals. Once he did that, I definitely knew what was happening. I stopped the massage, ended the session and left the room.
Unfortunately this pattern with clients (all male) continued at that establishment. At first I thought it was a run of bad luck for me or continued miscommunication, so I tried talking to the husband who owned the business. I used euphemisms and delicate phrasing to explain what I thought I was experiencing, and he dismissed it as, you know, “just horny guys doing what they do”. I tried to believe him and went back to the office to try again, but within a week or so it was clear to me that those men were coming to that place expecting “a little something extra”.
In retrospect, I can see that everyone involved was aware of what was actually going on there: the wife, the other massage therapists, the clients. Everyone but me.
Massage therapy is a healing practice and profession based on the idea of trust. That trust must go both ways, from massage therapist to client and from client to massage therapist. The same is true of personal and professional boundaries – they must be respected by both parties. These principles, and more, are covered in any reasonable code of ethics for professional massage or bodywork, and any practicing professional should abide by them at all times.
Fortunately I believe that these ethics violations are the exception, not the rule. And although I don’t think that anyone should have reason to believe that their boundaries or trust will be automatically violated if they go to a spa or other establishment for a massage, I think it is important for massage clients to do their research and choose wisely.
-Make sure that the therapist is licensed, registered or certified (as required by law in your area).
-Investigate whether or not the establishment or professional has policies in place to protect the client (and massage therapist) from inappropriate touch.
-Find out if the establishment or individual follows a code of ethics. Is it posted on their website or in their place of business?
-If you are going to a new place that you haven’t been to before, study the other clientele. Is there a balance of men and women in the waiting room? If not, does it make sense that it is mostly men and/or women? Do the other clients look like they are there for therapeutic massage or something else?
Massage therapists have a right to refuse service and clients have the right to end a massage session at any time. In the unlikely event that you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, speak up immediately. Terminate the session and report your experience to the manager or owner of the establishment right away. If they do not listen, call the local authorities.
I still believe that massage (and bodywork) is a sacred act and the treatment room should be a safe space for healing. I certainly hope that is your experience each time you have a session with your bodyworker.
Yesterday BuzzFeed posted a story that is getting a lot of attention. According to the article, over 180 women have reported sexual assaults at a certain massage/spa franchise. The women were clients at the spa, and the massage therapists were the ones that allegedly assaulted them.
I'm personally and professionally disgusted by the fact that massage therapists would do this to clients. The clients' stories about what happened to them were absolutely horrifying.
I went to an excellent massage school where ethics were a top priority for everyone. The teachers weaved ethics into nearly every lesson they gave us (except maybe anatomy, physiology and kinesiology). We were taught not to judge anyone's body. We were taught how to massage and drape (cover with a sheet or towel) the client carefully, so as to not accidentally stimulate body parts that shouldn't be stimulated during a therapeutic, non-sexual massage. And, more importantly, we were taught that putting your hands on another person for purposes of healing should be done with respect, compassion and reverence. "It is a sacred act", our teachers told us.
I knew that fact well before I ever went to that school. I was already doing basic energy work on clients before I learned massage, and I knew that touching a client should be done thoughtfully and lovingly with the intent to heal. I knew the importance of making the client feel safe so they would be able to trust and let go while they are on the table. Making a client feel safe creates the conditions that allow healing and transformation to occur.
Many years ago when I was just out of massage school I was hired as a massage therapist at a popular, upscale spa. The spa opening was a big deal with lots of press coverage and celebrity representatives, etc. I quickly discovered that the spa clientele was not my “target audience” because they were solely interested in relaxation and pampering rather than receiving anything therapeutic or healing. (Clearly that misunderstanding was my fault. I don't know why I expected anything different.) At any rate, I still held a loving space for each client, touched them with reverence and worked carefully to make them feel safe.
About a week into the job at the spa, I was working on a client when there was a knock at the door. I was totally shocked because the massage room was my “space” that I was controlling and keeping safe (or so I thought) so as to allow relaxation and healing to occur. How could I make my client (my client who is naked on a table, under a sheet) feel safe when someone knocks on the door? I stopped what I was doing and turned to the door, leaving one hand on the client to keep physical contact with her. Before I could say that I was busy with a massage client and, you know, "DO NOT OPEN THAT DOOR!", the door opened. A reporter and photographer walked in to “see what’s going on” and “take some photos of the spa”. I was bewildered, shocked and horrified. More than that, I felt bad for my client. I was not welcoming to the reporter or photographer and did not consent to photos (of my client, naked on the table, under a sheet). I did what I could to get them to leave, apologized to my client and carried on with our session.
Several weeks later, a friend smiled and handed me a well-known fashion trend magazine asking, “Was this you?”. The magazine was open to a feature article about the grand opening of the spa, including celebrity photos, etc. There was a blurb in the article from the reporter about the “massage therapist that barked and growled at us when we entered the room.” I looked at my friend and said, "Yes. Yes it was me." Oh well. My client didn’t deserve to be treated like that.
To be continued.
I have been using Tarot for guidance, personal development and as a spiritual tool for over ten years. Every morning I draw two cards to find out how my day will play out; and every Sunday I work with a different deck to keep all of my decks in use. I also like to change it up so I can use decks that match my mood or frame of mind during that particular week.
Since today is Sunday I reached for a deck that I haven't used in a while. I pulled out my Tarot Illuminati since I haven't worked with it for almost a year. I like the deck a lot but haven't used it much since it hasn't given me good readings. When I pulled it out of the bag this morning it felt dirty, so I cleansed and re-programmed it. Then I drew my two cards and immediately knew I would meet three incredible people today.
I had three new clients scheduled today for EFT sessions and it was clear that the cards were referring to the clients and our upcoming sessions.
I was not surprised when all three clients turned out to be amazing, deep and talented women. All three were intuitive, friendly and incredibly smart. They all have gifts and talents to help others in so many ways. It was an honor to be able to work with each of them, and I am grateful for having the opportunity to meet three shining stars all in one day.
Without revealing much about their identities, they have walked a path that I am walking on now. They were the ones that came before me. I like how the cards reflect this with the clients on the left ("before me") and the card that represents me on the right. I also like how everyone's arms are raised - theirs and mine. This was symbolic because during the session they tapped and I tapped along with them.
So the cleansing and re-programming of my cards gave me a much better reading than this deck has given me in the past. If you are a card reader, this is a friendly reminder to cleanse your decks!
Much gratitude to the clients I spent time with today. You know who you are and you are an inspiration to me.
